THIS HOLIDAY SEASON: A BRIGHT AND
HOPEFUL FUTURE
The Holidays Season is upon us. It’s a time to gather
with family and friends, and enjoy the accompanying spirit of comfort, hope,
and good will. It’s a time for reflection upon what is “most important” to each
of us. A time to reassess our current circumstances as measured against our future
goals. This can be difficult for many even as a mere proposition. For whatever
reasons, many find it difficult to navigate through the everyday stresses
associated with the Holidays: financial setbacks;
lost love ones; family/friendship and the uncertainty of it all. For those who
have either just forged their way through the process of divorce, are on the
precipice of jumping into the process, or perhaps even navigating their way
through the process now, these stresses are exponentially compounded.
I have represented
clients through the process of Divorce for the past 17 years. Over those years, I have witnessed the anguish
experienced by the parties and its long-lasting effects – especially during the
Holiday Season. In speaking with clients
who I have represented, they have shared with me many kernels of wisdom which
they gathered after going through the process which enabled them to cope and,
ultimately, overcome the many of difficulties associated with Divorce.
Divorce imparts uncertainty and, among many, uncertainty
breeds despair. We all know that Despair is a dark and lonely place. If you enable it, it will shackle you in place
and just as you catch and hold your breath when you are afraid, you forget to
breathe and move. You must understand
that these thoughts are dependent upon the past which was, itself, bound in
uncertainty. But now, just as you open your eyes and catch your breath to each
new day, envision that you are now awakening anew: your slate is clean. Your
future is a blank canvass whereupon you are now free to create. Create a new
you. Awaken to the endless possibilities
that are now available to you; breathe in the fresh new breath of your future
and feel the power it imparts.
2.
Gather Together
and Tend To Your Assets
Of course, when I use the term assets, many will
automatically think to themselves: “Here comes the lawyer-boy side of Jim.” I laugh a little with the thought. However,
as well all know, those kinds of assets are of fleeting quality. They don’t define
your place in the world or WHO you are, they are merely a reflection of A place
in A time where you’ve been – and through
the process of Divorce, their true value
comes to light as they are relegated to mere numbers on a pink or purple piece
of paper to be handed to the Court. The
assets I am speaking of are the only true assets in the sense that they
contribute to who you are: your family, your
friends, and your sense of belonging. Each of these assets all work in
combination with the other. Your families
are your roots, your friends are your branches, and your sense of belonging is
the air you breathe. Cultivate and
repair your roots, and prune the branches which no longer contribute to and increase
the majesty that is you. Stand tall in the new air you breathe. Your assets
will now fortify you as you forge off into your new future.
3.
Recreate You
The circumstances of Divorce are the result of a
multitude of personal relationship issues. I will not attempt to list them all
out here. What I will do, however, is ask you to evaluate those circumstances
as objectively as you can. This is the first step towards recreating you. Evaluate,
comprehend, and accept your strengths and weakness in the relationship. What
did you have too much, and not enough, of? What prevented you from being able
to change these circumstances? What was it that held you in place, unable to
move? This understanding is your NEW strength and the NEW YOU. There is an inherent power in this understanding.
No longer are you bound in the past. No
longer are you imprisoned in the strife of an unhealthy relationship. No longer are you stuck in one place. Did you
want to go out dancing more? Go out dancing! Did you want to spend more time
with family and friends? Do it! Did you want to embark on a new career path?
Well? Your potential and the possible ways to achieve that potential are
boundless.
4.
Share the New You
There is no doubt that there is an alienation that
accompanies the process of Divorce. Former associations are splintered [if not
outright severed] and an identity comfort zone which was tied to those associations
is gone. You now feel alone and, well, ambiguous. This is normal. However, do not let this
become your new comfort zone. Perhaps you were too comfortable with those old
associations. Perhaps you allowed those associations define who you were. If
so, this new disassociation is just what you needed. You needed to be
confronted with this ambiguity to fully comprehend that you had lost yourself. Now
you can rise above those ties and venture upon a new future as the real you. Rather
than allowing your associations to define you, now YOU define your
surroundings. You are free. Share this freedom Surround yourself with those who
you know love you for who you are, and not what you are or what you have and
whether you are happy or sad; invite those into your world who are going to increase
you and reinforce your potential in every conceivable way; don’t be afraid to
laugh and smile more than you ever have; be tolerant, be caring, be kind; be
industrious; be creative; and most importantly, share this new you with the
outside world.
Of course, I have shared these thoughts with the
intention of providing insight from people who have navigated though the troublesome
process of Divorce to guide those now facing the same process. However, upon
closer observation, each of these insights applies equally to all, regardless
of our circumstances.
With that in mind, The Law Office of James Thomas Kinder
wishes each of you a Happy, Healthy, Safe, and Bright, Holiday Season and beyond.
Peace and Love
